Hello it has been a minute since ive written but this year has been… exhausting. Im currently listening to Adele’s new album and being cured of all stresses and insecurities. im waiting until its a little later for me to really get into my feelings and drink some wine while crying to this freaking album. To be Loved actually had me sobbing earlier today. this woman has crack in her voice and we are all addicted.
okay, now that im done with that for now, lets get to what i came here for.
this year, i participated in nanowrimo with my novel playfully titled The Goddess Nneka. it is the same novel i have been working on since like 2015/16. last year i was really able to add all the flavor and started an entirely new draft of the story in order to give it it’s body. I hoped that nanowrimo would help keep me totally focused and active in my novel but it has actually added a lot more stress to my creative process.
like most people, during lockdown, i was seeing a lot of posts about adhd in women and i started feeling like i had adhd. it explained so much of my behaviors from my childhood up until now and so i started a journey on getting myself diagnosed. so far, i have been put on a few meds and one in particular works loads. it helps me focus and feel more together in my day to day. i dont yet have an official diagnosis. i think that will happen later in life when i can find a doctor who makes me feel safe and comfortable but for now, i do thankfully have working meds.
i say all of that to say, now that i have self-diagnosed and ive put myself in amazing groups for women with adhd or neurodiverse fems. it has helped me ease the pressure on myself. when looking at other writers, i would think i am do horrible for taking so long getting my story finished. some authors say they can finish a book in three months which sounds so insane to me. i can totally plot out a novel within that time but to have it written? oh no.
in order for me to have an entire novel done within that time, i would need to have a partner. someone who is reading the story along with me, someone who knows and understands my characters, my story and can keep me going. i dream of having someone i could share the fullness of my story to, who will read through it and say things like, “i loved this but i dont think this character should act like this yet. ” or “this seen seems a bit stale, i was so into this character but this scene makes them seem like a robot.” i want some insite in my story as im writing because i tend to get distracted within my own story. i will write scenes and place them too far in the future or get too excited about writing something later in the book or book two and it just seems like the placement is confusing.
writing actually feels hard when writing by myself. writing short stories are fun but then i alwasy find myself wanting to expland, to make things so much bigger than they are. i wish i had a writing partner or coach or editor. editors and coaches cost coin that i currently do not have and finding a critique or writing parter or a person to just read it through seems so hard to come by. someone who you can trust with your wild thoughts, the craizness that is your story in it’s raw and wild form.
I feel like now im writing this simply to ask for some insight. are there recommendations? before it’s mentioned, ive asked friends and family. i was in a few writing groups that have now been disbanded and some larger groups feel wildly intimidating for a scattered brained human who still hasnt finished their book.